Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
