Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
