you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
