I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
