dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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