apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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