so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
