so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
its like you know when i get waxed