Four minutes until I can fart!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.