apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
