I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.