I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
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Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
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Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.