I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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