When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
