I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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