when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
