just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
