Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This house was built for laser tag.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
