About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Randomize
