i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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