sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
