Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
