It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
