Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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