when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
