my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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