so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
