Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
