So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
