Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
