If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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