He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
