if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
