Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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