I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize