yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
