I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize