Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
