11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
