If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
