end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You work out of a Hotel?
Screwed.edu
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
