she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
