can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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