"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
