pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
