Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
