Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
