I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize