Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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