I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Randomize