Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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