Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
