I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
