Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sorry about my life...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
