So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
