in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
