Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
