You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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