I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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