He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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