this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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