this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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