maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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