At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
